Good morning everyone and welcome to this weeks Midweek Wednesday Blog by myself.
Today I want to talk to you about something different as we approach a time of year that can be difficult for many families, for me my most difficult days tend to be September and the first week of October as well. But for some families its also Christmas they struggle with, whether its the 1st ear of the 10th year.
As you all know by now I'm a single parent, carer and a full time business owner and generally always have my stuff together to allow for those random off days we all get.
For me as i said above September into October is my most difficult time as it's my Dad's birthday first, for those who know me will no that my dad past away 12 years ago (on 18th September) and even 12 years on it still doesn't make the birthday or anniversaries any easier.
I have included a pic of my dad (left) before he got ill. He was the most genuine guy I've ever known in my life. He was always the one to push me forward telling me to go for it. Whereas my mum was the one who always told me plan everything and if I don't plan it don't go for it. So both my parents were always supportive of anything I wanted to do in life.
With this being said there are times still now 12 years down the line I sit and think what would dad of told me to do. and also after 8 years (on 24th September) what would mum tell me to do.
So when you think about things in that sense you know they are always by your side being the supportive parents that were in this world as well.
I sit there at times and just think to myself ok i don't have them in person but they are still there and some of the time if I'm sat quiet 2 pigeons will appear in the garden or near by roof tops. For me that is my sign they are there still and will give me the answer i need.
But this still doesn't make Birthdays and anniversaries any easier. So how do I cope with these special days and moments. Sometimes it's really hard to actually handle these occasions but other times i just get up take a moment have a little cry if needed and then continue with my day. My daughter always picks up on when "mummy isn't right" so I need to make these days as natural as I can for her sake. I'm not the sort of person to go to their graves and sit with them as I truly believe it doesn't matter where I am if I need a moment I know they are there. But if i do need something to connect me i just look at these 2 pics below and it reminds me of where there body is and there spirit lives on.
My daughter is a constant reminder for me that I need to keep going as one day I will need to fully explain to her about her grandparents. Prior to having my daughter I will admit i was ready to give up and go to be back with my parents, they sent me a sign after 13 years of being told i couldn't have kids i found myself pregnant a year after my mum passed. This was my sign from them that there's still a lot of fight left in me yet and she was brought to me to be the reminder i need when days, weeks or months get tough.
As the saying goes "Time is a Healer" in my experience no it's not, "Time makes it that little bit easier to cope and deal with it". I don't think no matter how much time goes by you're ever ok when you've lost the people who have brought you up whether its parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles or adopted parents. You just learn how to handle things and that it is ok to carry on and still live the best life you can.
"You only get one life, Live it"
I have lots of pictures of me and my mum but I don't have many of me and my dad and that was one lesson I was taught massively when I lost my dad was to make sure I capture lots more memories and moments of me and my mum.
Loosing someone doesn't mean you loose your memories with that person but having pictures, videos etc can really help on those down moments. I remember this picture so well it was the one day I truly felt my parents were so proud of me. I got told my grades weren't good enough for the original course I wanted to do, so I started a course lower and I fought every moment through college and university to get what I wanted in life and that was my Degree in IT/Computer Practitioners. So that moment when I graduated was extra special to me, mum and dad as I proved to myself I could do it if I keep going and pushing.
With this in mind I deal with birthdays and anniversaries in a way that I hide it from my daughter but I take that moment first thing in the morning to think about them, have a cry look at a few pictures and then pick myself up and keep going.
So however you deal with moments in your life just remember they are always there for you, and are always with you, treasure the memories and make the memories whilst you can as they can be a very heart warming moment when you need it most. it's ok to have off days and moments, there are going to be things that will remind you of these loved ones but think of it as a sign they are there and that you can and will keep going and pushing forward.
My mantra is so special to me and I remember these words daily and it does make me get up and continue fighting on to another new day.
Just keep going and know it's ok to cry, to grieve in different ways, to cope in different way we are all different no two things will work for everyone. Find your inner strength and keep fighting on. Know they are proud of you and want you to live your best life, use this strength to keep going and make your life one you are proud of.
Live your best life, make the memories and capture the moments that matter. Don't give up and find your inner calm to help you through these tough days.
I'll see you next Midweek Wednesday with my latest blog for you all. Please feel free to share, like and comment on this blog.
Always remember you're stronger than you believe
Maria xxx